[#32] You're not a former anything, but a future something

Federer's Dartmouth speech, and personal learnings from it

I had a chance to watch Roger Federer’s commencement speech that he gave at Dartmouth in 2024 to the recent MBA graduates. It’s a brilliant speech (transcript here), which I feel has points that are always relevant and on a personal note, some of the things that he said really resonated:

What really hit me is when he said: You can work harder than you thought possible... and still lose.

He talks about how tennis is brutal. And not just tennis, but all sport. Everyone loses, except for one person. And every other player gets back on a plane, stares out of the window, and thinks... “what did I do wrong?” 

I felt like that about tennis for a long time. I used to be a professional tennis player. 

I picked up the racquet when I was 5. I had been competing since I was 10. By this time I’d spent more time on the court, and traveling, than I had spent at home. My identity revolved around being an athlete. But at 20 years old, the ortho surgeon sounded the death knell on my tennis career.  Sure, I could rehab, maybe get another surgery, and try to come back. But the numbers didn’t add up -  I was 20 already, and already a couple of years behind my peers. Even though the sports industry is rife with stories of comebacks, my chances were low.

Winning the Canadian Junior World Championship in Vancouver in 2011

When you dream of being something, want it with everything you have, put in the work, and then realize that you’re not going to make it, is the hardest thing that someone has to go through. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. It was a loss of identity for me. I didn’t know who I was if not an athlete. And some part of me blamed myself. Maybe if I had rehabbed better, trained smarter, made different choices, it wouldn’t have come to this. 

For months afterwards, I refused to touch a racquet. I didn’t watch tennis matches. I kept one racquet, as a souvenir of some sort, and sold the rest - my bag, my shoes, my racquet strings. 

I think I spent close to 2 years just mourning the loss. I stayed at home, barely went out, outside of work. Just coming to terms with who I was without tennis. And some part of me felt angry. I put in 15 years into the sport, and this is what I got out of it.

What helped was figuring out that I was good at other things as well. By realizing that I was more than just what I do. I played sports. Didn’t mean I was just an athlete. I was more than that. And that’s something Federer talks about - Life is bigger than the court. Or your job. You’re more than just what you do. And it helps to have many interests, and to make other parts of your life as rich as your career. That doesn’t mean that you lose focus. But, at the risk of sounding cliche, it helps give perspective, and give you the sense that there is more out there than just you and your problems. 

People ask me now, why I stopped playing. Or why I don’t play tennis anymore. The answer is complicated. The easiest answer is that after playing so much tennis, I want to try playing other sports. The honest answer is: I guess some part of me is still getting over how the tennis journey ended, and playing again would just bring up a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’d rather not get into, which usually in the past has culminated in a lot of anger, self -blame, and frustration.

But like everything it takes time. I can look back now, and while the feelings are mixed, I also feel grateful that I got the chance to pursue my dreams. I was Top 5 in India. Top 200 in the world (juniors). I traveled the world at a young age, and had the opportunity to represent India in international tournaments. 

I’ve started watching tennis again. Last year, I had the chance to watch a promising Indian women’s player win her first ITF tournament in Bangalore. It doesn’t hurt (a lot)  when people ask me about tennis now. And maybe someday I’ll pick up a racquet again. 

And even though tennis ended, what I learned from tennis is something that I carry with me. Discipline, patience, grit. Belief is probably the biggest thing. Federer talks about  this. Belief in yourself has to be earned. That is something my coach (Vishal Uppal) used to tell me as well.  You’ve done the work. You’ve earned the right to believe in yourself. Now you have to trust in the work that you put in and go out there and execute.  

To end this note, quoting Federer: (why change anything the maestro says?) 

“When I left tennis, I became a former tennis player. But you’re not a former anything. You are future record-breakers and world travelers, future volunteers and philanthropists, future winners and future leaders.” 

You’re not a former anything. You’re a future something.